literature

Add This to 'Song of Myself'

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Literature Text

--

The sky is my ocean and a cloud is my raft;
I grow weary of the oar's fantasy scrapes at the air
And the relapse of images that seem in infinite loop
And the birds as they mock my craft
with their perfect rhythm
And how the trees look like grass from up here.
The people have lost sight of me, but they are in my sight
and I see where they're going
And I gaze in front of me, above me, beside me, below me
And suddenly the smile of the moon is as large as my own
And I forget the oar's crooked trail spread out in wakes
behind me
And the sky and the raft and the birds and the trees
are me
And the people are me and I am the people.

--
Due to a study of Whitman recently, I was asked to compose a stanza fit for inclusion in 'Song of Myself.' This was the result, written in as close a form to Whitman's as I could observe. It's nothing really spectacular or extraordinarily profound, merely an exploration of one of the things that makes me tick.

Enjoy it or not, it's up to you. I don't consider it my finest and doubt that I ever could, especially since it's meant to be a rip-off. However you feel about it, though, it's here.
© 2010 - 2024 dead-now
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Aladdin-Sane's avatar
I haven't read Song Of Myself but judging from this Whitman has a bit of a messianic complex:

'The people have lost sight of me, but they are in my sight'

Seriously? That's a little bit creepy.

I like this a lot actually. The tone of voice is stilted in a way that's quite charming, and it seems less laboured than some of your other writing.

I like the list-like fashion in which you describe the ensuing images. It's like an ocular equivalent to a stream of consciousness. The repeated first person pronouns meanwhile denote the speaker's awareness of himself, and enjoyment of this.

The I / They dichotomy is a doubled-edged sword because it creates distance even as the speaker seeks intimacy and connection. But that's inevitable.

I don't like the line:

'And the relapse of images that seem in infinite loop'

I don't know what images you're referring to here - the clouds perhaps? If so this could be made clearer.

Anyway I don't think you're doing yourself justice. This is great writing.