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--

The snow was heavy
under midnight's guise.
The white ground reflected
city lights into the clouds:
it was as bright as the half light
that bled over the mountains
and flowed into the valleys
just hours before (the sun
died peacefully).

The air was silent:
a powder keg soundtrack
sitting on a camel's back.
There were dead flags
on poles or lying in ashes.
Smoke seeped through the earth
on every horizon
like the breath
of a dragon slumbering
after a fierce campaign.

No one was left
to inhale the dust and ash.
Their bodies were dormant
and they dreamed their faith.

And a Dandelion stood stout
in a field of grey and soot.

--
Very much inspired by Godspeed You! Black Emperor and their 'Dead Flag Blues.' This is obvious, though, to those that are familiar with it.

Not my greatest work. But it will do for now. Suggestions are always welcome.

EDIT: Yes I did.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-10-22
Premonition Blues by ~dead-now paints vivid monochrome strokes until the end. ( Featured by neurotype )
:iconateendra:
Ateendra Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
I really am a simple person and don't understand much but when I see a good thing, I can point it out. This poem here is just sublime. I can't express the joy I get by reading these lines because I was looking for something which could soothe my nerves. Not always do we have to be sunny and brimming with energy. Sometimes grey, silent echoes of imagery bring you more joy, when you want peace. This helped me bring peace to my mind and gave me some patience. Now I can continue with my Jedi training. May the Force be with you.
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well if you enjoyed it then that's all that matters, I suppose.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, the last bit is way adorable (which, then again, we don't see a lot of nowadays), but I loved your use of rhyme and the ambiguity of the setting. Also there isn't enough post apocalyptic poetry out there.
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I was so stuck on this thing for the longest time. I had no idea how to finish it. When I first started it, I believe that I had only the first stanza completed. The scene was supposed to be dark and it was supposed to be gloomy. That stuff always makes me insides tingle for some reason. But I had no way to finish it. It wasn't until after one of my literature courses that I realized how it was supposed to be finished. For one of my writing assignments in that class I gave myself the challenge of finding the supposed elusive element of beauty in Edgar Allan Poe's writing. Once I was able to do that I was set and whipped the rest of it out very quickly.

I really do appreciate this, my friend. Cheers to you. :)
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oooh, nice. And yeah, I like the decision to not drag us all deeper into the mud with the ending.

:salute:
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:iconzacxd:
ZACXD Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is a great poem. The DD was an obvious deserved. Great job.
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate your comments.
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:iconzacxd:
ZACXD Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
:) yw
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:iconfacelesspunk:
FacelessPunk Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice ~:+favlove:
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, very much.
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:iconilleatyourself:
IllEatYourself Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is pretty good!
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hope so.
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:iconilleatyourself:
IllEatYourself Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol, you are the first to sound disappointed at my comment. Most say thanks or something. XD For the heck of it, I will say "You're welcome!" anyway, and good luck with whatever you are hoping for, because apparently you are hoping someone else thinks the same way!
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ha, I just hope I can accomplish what I aim to accomplish.
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:iconilleatyourself:
IllEatYourself Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
And that's what I meant. I don't know what you aim to accomplish other than praise, but whatever it is, good luck with it!
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :)
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:iconilleatyourself:
IllEatYourself Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome!
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:iconilleatyourself:
IllEatYourself Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
But what do you mean "Yes I did"? XD
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:iconangeljasiel:
AngelJasiel Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
awesome :clap:
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate it.
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:iconlancelotprice:
LancelotPrice Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
Dandelions rule. Congratulations on the DD. :)
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! And they only rule in certain circumstances.
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:iconlancelotprice:
LancelotPrice Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
The ones that count? :D
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely.
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:iconnyiana-sama:
Nyiana-sama Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
:la: Congrats on the daily deviation!
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. It gave me a pleasant surprise.
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:iconnyiana-sama:
Nyiana-sama Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
:huggle: You're welcome!
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :heart:
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much.
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure :heart:
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:iconaladdin-sane:
Aladdin-Sane Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2010
The ending is a little saccharine but there's also some great imagery. I really liked for example:

The white ground reflected
city lights into the clouds:

a powder keg soundtrack
sitting on a camel's back.

the Dandelion standing stout
in a field of grey and soot.

I know I just said the ending was saccharine and it is but the phrase is actually really nicely constructed. It has a nice balance of something.

I like these lines because they're inventive images but easily grasped in the mind's eye. I don't interpret them in order to derive meaning so much as to derive feeling, and that's really cool.

Once again I don't think you do yourself justice. This is by no means an opus but it's a nicely constructed and really enjoyable piece. Thanks for posting!
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
It really is a bit forcefully making a statement, I admit. I actually whipped out the last half in mere minutes, so I was hoping that putting it up here would allow for people to provide suggestions on how to tighten this up a bit.

I appreciate you always taking the time to consider the work that I put up. Your suggestions are also very much appreciated, so thank you very much. :)
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Ahh, yes. I see exactly what you mean. Allowing the absence of people to manifest itself through the actual absence from the piece is quite a lovely tactic. I suppose I was trying a bit too much to make it 'shocking' or blunt.

Well said, mate. Let me mull over this for a while and try to figure out how to get it to work.
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:iconaladdin-sane:
Aladdin-Sane Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2010
Rockin'.

I think 'show don't tell' is a pretty awesome poetry tactic in any situation.
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:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I agree. I greatly appreciate your input. :)
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